Love or Duty
by Vayleen
Summary: Choosing between love and duty is difficult when you’re young.


Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, which belongs to Naoko Takeuchi

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**Love and Duty**

Sailor Moon fanfiction by Vayleen

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Kadisha gripped Hana's hand tightly as she peered around her house into the small backyard and towards the back entrance.

"All clear," Kadisha whispered to her bemused guest, as though Hana was partial to the conspiracy.

"Clear of what?" Hana whispered back.

"Nothing," Kadisha muttered darkly as she pulled Hana along to the back door. "It's just that this is the first time I've convinced you that it's okay to come to my house and... I don't want to take any chances."

"Chances with _what _" Hana asked.

"Nothing!" Kadisha whispered as she slowly, quietly, opened the back door and slipped in. She motioned for Hana to follow her. When she did, Kadisha carefully slid the door shut and grabbed Hana's hand again.

"Take off your shoes but don't leave them here. We'll carry them back to my room," Kadisha whispered.

"Okay," Hana whispered, confused, then, "Kadisha-chan, why are we whispering?" as the two of them were tiptoeing to the staircase that would lead up to the Kadisha's room.

"Is that you, Kadisha?" a feminine voice called from the kitchen.

Kadisha froze like a cat ready to bolt. She probably gripped Hana's hand a little tightly because the other girl squeaked in surprise. Kadisha sighed and loosened her hold a little, but she refused to let go. Who knows what would happen to her.

"Yes, mother," Kadisha called back. Just what she needed.

Her mother appeared in the kitchen archway, a brilliant smile on her face, which quickly disappeared when she saw Hana. Kadisha held her breath. The look on her mother's face looked vaguely like suspicion for a minute, aimed directly at Hana. But she covered it quickly, like the expert she was, and was smiling again. Kadisha looked at her friend from the corner of her eye and was confused when she saw what looked like... embarrassment?

That didn't make sense.

"You must be Kadisha's new friend Hana-chan," her mother said, interrupting Kadisha's melancholy. "She's been talking so much about you-"

"_Mother!_"

"-but I wasn't expecting to meet you in person," her mother finished. "I'm Minako Itagaki, Kadisha's mother."

"Nice to meet you," Hana said, bowing the best she could since Kadisha's death grip on her hand wouldn't relent. Kadisha figured she probably should have let go at that point, but she remained stubborn. If her mother had her way they'd never get upstairs and Kadisha wanted to get Hana alone, to have her all to herself for _once_, even if it was only once.

"We really need to get to our studies, Mother," Kadisha said after the introductions. "Important high-school stuff. We should make a good impression and all."

Minako glared again, but not at her daughter. Irritated, as well as confused, Kadisha wondered what her mother had to glare about at Hana. But it was only for a second before Minako masked a smile again and Hana didn't seem to notice so Kadisha took that moment to begin dragging her friend up the stairway.

"Okay girls, I'll bring up some tea later," Minako called after them.

"Fine!" Kadisha called, practically sprinting the last few steps to her room, Hana in tow.

Kadisha ignored the bemused stare of her friend as she threw her in the room and slammed the door shut, leaning against it with a relieved sigh. That could have gone better.

"Um... your mother seems nice," Hana said nervously when Kadisha continued to lean against the door. "She's very beautiful. You look a lot alike."

"Ever since longevity became the norm in Crystal Tokyo, every child started looking like their parents sooner," Kadisha pointed out.

"Well, not every family is _beautiful_," Hana pointed out, with a sly wink.

Kadisha blushed furiously and went about pulling her books out and settling them on the table for their study session to mask it. Hana's comment made her extremely happy, almost giddy, but she hid it carefully. She was an expert at hiding emotions.

Hana settled across the table from her and gracefully tucked her legs under herself, pulling the skirt of the school uniform over her legs. Kadisha watched her from beneath her lashes, committing the details of the way Hana moved to memory. She wanted to be able to recall everything about that afternoon in case she never got another one like it.

They were getting into their Math homework when someone rapped sharply on Kadisha's door.

"Come in, mother," Kadisha called, not looking up from her homework.

Minako poked her head in and flashed the two girls a brilliant smile. Hana turned and smiled back, almost sheepishly. Kadisha didn't smile at all.

"I brought you girls that tea. How's the studying going?"

"Wonderful," Hana piped up. "Kadisha's really smart. I'm glad she offered to tutor me in math."

Minako arched an eyebrow at Hana and Hana turned away quickly. The whole exchange confused Kadisha and she somehow knew it had something to do with her mother. She turned suspiciously at her. "Mother, what's-"

"I was never good at math," Minako suddenly interrupted dramatically. "High-school was _so_ difficult for me back then-"

"You were in high-school over 900 years ago," Kadisha muttered darkly, too quietly for Hana to hear but Minako did and her mother turned so that Hana couldn't see her and gave her daughter a warning look.

"_Anyway,_" Minako said, "I should let you two get back to work."

Next she turned so that only Hana could see Minako's face and all Kadisha could see was her long, pleated blonde hair. "Will you be staying for dinner?" Minako asked her.

Kadisha said "Yes" and Hana said "No" at the same time. Kadisha looked quickly at Hana, who was looking at her math homework. Kadisha tried not to feel hurt by her friend's refusal to accept the invitation. Hana probably had her reasons to get home early.

"Well then, I guess that's all. Please let me know if you girls need anything else," Minako said. But the older woman remained where she was, her fidgeting hands the only betrayal of Minako's discomfort with the situation.

"Okay, then," Kadisha said after a minute, exasperated.

After her mother left, Kadisha glanced at Hana. The other girl was still absorbed in her math, chewing on the end of her pen. Kadisha couldn't help the small smile she made as she watched Hana. She looked cute with that concentrated look on her face, her magenta eyes full of intent. Like she was going out to battle and L'Hopital's Rule was her opponent. Kadisha soon forgot about her own homework as she watched the other girl. The way she stuck out her cheek with her tongue when she wrote and the way she brushed one of her long braids away as she repositioned her body when she sat in one stance for too long.

"I like your hair," Kadisha blurted, and then clasped a hand over her mouth in embarrassed horror.

Hana looked up. "Thank-you," she said, smiling. "Especially today. I normally brush it out everyday but I didn't have time this morning. They're the same braids as yesterday," Hana said, taking one of her four long braids between her fingers and rubbing it.

"I can brush your hair," Kadisha said eagerly. Then she mentally slapped herself. Why couldn't her rational catch up with her thought patterns before she blurted them out?

Hana looked over, surprised. And, Kadisha noticed, a little shy.

"O-okay. If you want to," Hana said slowly.

In a few minutes, Kadisha was perched on a chair with Hana sitting on her knees in front of it, her back to her. Kadisha reached for the top of Hana's hair to undo it but noticed her hand was trembling. She made a fist and took a deep breath to steady herself before she reached out and slowly went about undoing and brushing Hana's long cotton-candy-colored hair. It smelled like flower blossoms. Wild flowers. Kadisha even dared to lean forward a little and take a deep breath, just to get a better take on that scent so that whenever she was in a garden she would remember this moment.

"I like your hair too, Kadisha-chan," Hana said, startling her.

Kadisha blushed again. "Thank-you, Hana-chan."

"I was surprised you cut it like that," Hana continued. "But I think you look good with short hair. It suits you."

Kadisha was silent. She had cut her blonde hair a couple years back with a pair of scissors in from of the mirror. It used to be long like her mother's. In fact, they had looked so much alike, aside from their eye color, that Minako used to tease her by saying they could have been twins. So one day Kadisha just felt like being _different _and cut it all off.

Her mother was horrified. Her father, also startled, managed to recover quickly and tell her she was lovely. Later, her mother offered to even out the haircut and Kadisha consented. Since then, Minako offered to layer Kadisha's short style every few weeks or so and Kadisha put it off until the ends of her hair touched her shoulders, when she could no longer avoid spending time with her mother or else look like her again.

Rustling from the window interrupted Kadisha's perfect moment with Hana. Kadisha looked up annoyed, knowing what she'd see. She was more surprised when Hana stiffened up and almost seemed to want to stand before she seemingly forced herself to relax back into her kneeling position.

The white cat at Kadisha's window froze when he saw Hana in the room before he resumed his trek indoors. He hopped down onto the bed next to Kadisha's chair and meowed, almost questionably with the inclination in his feline voice.

"Artemis, this is Hana Fukui. She's my classmate and Tokyo Crystal Academy," Kadisha introduced, hoping Hana won't think it weird that she was being introduced to a cat. "Hana-chan, this is my mother's cat Artemis. He likes being introduced to people even though he's _just a cat._"

"Nice to meet you, Artemis," Hana said nervously.

"Meow," Artemis answered. He was staring intently at Hana. Kadisha looked between them slowly, before becoming annoyed that Artemis didn't take her "just a cat" hint and proceeded to shoo him, much to his chagrin.

"I promise to give you leftovers, okay?" Kadisha said about the untouched (thank god!) food her mother left for them.

"Meow!" Artemis said indignantly as Kadisha practically threw him out the bedroom door.

When she returned, Hana was already pleating her hair back into its usual style. Kadisha swallowed her disappointment and joined her friend on the bed, watching her nimble fingers expertly pin a bun to the top of her head and pleating the resulting tail into four separate braids.

"Kadisha is an unusual name," Hana said absently after Kadisha remained silent for too long.

She turned her magenta eyes to meet Kadisha's grey. Kadisha shrugged.

"It's from Israel, I think. My father works out there sometimes."

"Well, it's really pretty," Hana said.

Kadisha blushed again and looked away. Before she could shrug the comment off, Hana had placed her hand on Kadisha's knee and was leaning back to catch Kadisha's eyes again. "Everything about you is pretty, Kadisha-chan," Hana said softly.

Her heart fluttered painfully and Kadisha did her _very _best to keep a tight lid on her emotions but she really wanted to leap for joy for some reason. Instead she smiled, a real smile, and said "You're really pretty too, Hana-chan."

* * *

Artemis found Minako sitting at the bottom of the stairs, her head against her knees and her knees pulled up to her chest. He settled on the stair next to her and reached a paw up to her arm to let her know he was there. Minako sighed. She moved her head to the side and looked down at him, her eyes red from crying.

"Mina-chan," Artemis said worriedly. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Liar," Minako whispered with a small smile.

Artemis thumped his tail, betraying his inner agitation, though he didn't have to for Minako, of all people, to know what he was feeling.

"So Hana-?" he started.

"Hana really likes her," Minako stated. "_Really _likes her. But Kadisha-"

The soft wave of emotion flooded Minako's senses. The familiar feel of the emotions of the person she hadn't been able to _feel _in almost two years. Soft feelings of fondness, nervousness, embarrassment and...

Love.

The reason why Minako was crying on the stairway was because her daughter was in love and she never knew. She, the Senshi of Love. And her daughter had fallen for-

"Maybe we should try talking to Hana directly," Artemis suggested.

"Yeah, but I'll do it myself, Artemis, don't worry," Minako said, lifting her head and rubbing a hand across her eyes and cheek. She chuckled lightly. "I just wish I had picked up on it. Maybe I could have discouraged it."

"Hana should have had more sense," Artemis said firmly.

"Love doesn't make sense," Minako said. "But you're probably right. Don't worry; I'll talk to her later.

"I'm just so confused. I can't believe she even managed to mask this from me for so long. I thought being a mother would be easy _because _of what I could do. But Kadisha managed to shut me out. _Completely _out. Like there's a wall over her heart and a mask on her face and I can never tell what she's feeling anymore.

"She hates me," Minako finished miserably.

"Kadisha-chan doesn't hate you," Artemis said firmly.

"I hated my mother," Minako pointed out. "Maybe it's normal for girls to hate their mothers."

"She doesn't hate you, Minako," Artemis repeated. "But teenage girls... they need their independence. They need their space. Maybe shutting you out was the only way for her to do that. And the only way to do that was to _have _no emotions. You're the Senshi of Love. You can feel everything remotely emotive. Kadisha probably got tired of you knowing _everything _about her and she wanted some secrets to actually be that - secrets. Your daughter felt she had to hide that part of herself. The fact that she has the ability to do so proves that she is your daughter.

"But you know, Mina," Artemis said, his feline green eyes twinkling. "You should have seen Kadisha before she saw me in her window. She was smiling. I don't think I've seen that girl smile in over two years," Artemis finished.

Minako's blue eyes softened. She remembered feeling that smile. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing for this to happen, for her daughter's sake. But it was Hana... Minako definitely had to talk to her.

* * *

Hana Fukui rushed into one of Crystal Palace's training courtyards later that night, her pink braids trailing behind her. _I'm late, I'm late,_ she thought. _Of all days to be late I had to pick today. _

"Where the hell have you been?!" demanded Sailor Juno when Hana rushed by. "She's ready for some serious bloodletting! What did you d-"

"Suit up, Fukui!" Venus called, not bothering to hide the anger in her voice. "We need to talk so don't even think about leaving early today!"

Hana groaned.

"You did it behind her back, didn't you? I told you not to!" Sailor Pallas said.

"I couldn't help it!" Hana hissed. "Kadisha-chan was the one who asked _me! _Did you think I was going to say no?!"

"I won't say it _thrice_, Fukui! Suit up and get in position! You're sparring with me tonight."

Hana paled.

Sailor Juno whistled. "Hope she doesn't kill you," she said.

* * *

Sailor Ceres felt like bruised jelly by the time practice was over. Sailor Venus made sure the leader of the Asteroid Senshi had given all she had that night and she could feel it. However, that didn't keep her from breaking stance when it was over. She remained that way, feet shoulder length apart, gloved hands clasped behind her back, head high and eyes staring straight. She hoped, gods she hoped, that this lecture was what she expected it was; soldier to soldier, a lecture of love and duty. The speech she would have gotten no matter who she decided to date.

She figured that was why Sailor Venus was pacing so much. Her senior was probably trying to reformulate the speech into something somewhat objective, trying to keep all the maternal aspects of what she wanted to say out of what was going to be said.

Sailor Venus finally stopped pacing and stood in front of the younger woman. "You're the leader of Princess Serenity's guard," Venus said.

"Hai," Sailor Ceres answered.

"You're also her body double, the same as I was when Neo-Queen Serenity was princess," Sailor Venus said.

"Hai," Sailor Ceres said.

"As Sailor Venus, I'm only going to say this once, Sailor Ceres," Venus said. "We are soldiers. Even during peacetime, we are always alert, always ready for danger. That duty could put the ones we love in great danger."

Sailor Ceres looked down, trying to block tears. She knew this was something Venus would say. She knew she wouldn't approve. Now everything she didn't want to happen was happening. Sailor Juno was right; Sailor soldiers weren't meant to love.

"That was a fact that I struggled with when I wanted a love and a family," Sailor Venus said, her voice softening. "But Usa- Neo-Queen Serenity told me that to love a family was worth everything. That the love she felt gave her more power as a Queen and made her a better soldier."

Sailor Venus gently laid a hand on Sailor Ceres' shoulder. Startled, the she looked up at the older woman to see that Venus was smiling at her.

"We must always remember never to forget our duty," Sailor Venus said, "But if love will make you a better soldier then I think you should love as much as you can. As long as you put your duty foremost, I will always approve of love."

Sailor Ceres grinned, and futilely tried to keep from crying but two tears slipped out anyway. "Hai," she managed to answer.

"Remember to keep your identity a secret for now," Venus said. "She knows mine but... we want to keep the knowledge of you girls quiet while the Princess insists on attending a regular school."

"Hai, Venus-sama. I understand."

"It's time for you to go home, then," Sailor Venus said. "You go ahead. I have guard duty tonight."

"Arigato, Sailor Venus-sama," Sailor Ceres said, bowing. Then she turned to run into the palace to say goodnight to the others, who were probably waiting to hear what had happened.

"Sailor Ceres!" Venus called when Ceres was almost out of earshot, "Will I see you tomorrow for dinner?" she asked.

Ceres turned and grinned widely. "Hai!" Then she left.

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The End


End file.
